JOKES Teacher's notes: Cut these jokes into strips. Give each student in your class a strip. They should then match the strips i.e. the questions and the punch lines. As a follow-up activity, ask the students to translate a joke from their own language into English. How do monsters count to 15? On their fingers. What should you take if you're run down? The number of the car that ran you down. Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers? In case they get a hole in one. Do men always snore? Only when they're asleep. How do hens dance? Chick to chick. Why was the sword swallower put in prison? Because he coughed and killed two people. What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie. What gets plenty of answers but never asks any questions? The doorbell. What do ghosts do at 11am? Have a coffin break. What sort of ghosts haunt hospitals? Surgical spirits. How can you double your money? Fold it in half. Who invented fire? A bright spark. How can you get rid of varnish? Remove the R.

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inveigle

March 17, 2015

verb

\in-VAY-gul\

Definition

1

: to win over by wiles : entice

2

: to acquire by ingenuity or flattery : wangle

Examples

I was relieved when I finally managed to inveigle her assistant into fitting me into her schedule.

"… but now the industry is headed down a path where more loathsome strategies are being put in place to inveigle consumers to throw down their dough before learning whether or not the game is actually worth buying." — Paul Tamburro, Craveonline.com, January 21, 2015

Did You Know?

Inveigle, a word that dates from the 16th century, refers to the act of using clever talk, trickery, or flattery either to persuade somebody to do something or to obtain something. What could such a word possibly have to do with blindness? Inveigle came to English from the Anglo-French verbenveegler, which means "to blind or hoodwink someone," from the adjective enveugle, meaning "blind." Enveugle derives from the Medieval Latin ab oculis, a phrase which literally translates to "lacking eyes." You might say that a person who is inveigled to do or give up something is too "blinded" by someone's words to know that he or she is being tricked.

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Be just before you are generous.

Meaning:

Make sure all your debts are paid before you start offering help to others.

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gibe

March 14, 2015

verb

\JYBE\

Definition

1

: to utter taunting words

2

: to deride or tease with taunting words

Examples

"I had read every piece he had written in the last five years. I playfullygibed him about obscure predictions he had made years ago in other articles, and was prepared to thoughtfully discuss his most recent column." — Keith Ferrazzi, Never Eat Alone, 2005

"The Gridiron Show group joked with and gibed at those in the Memphis power structure, politicians mostly. Rarely did anyone get their feelings hurt by the skits in the shows…." — Toby Sells, Memphis Magazine, December 201

Did You Know?

Confused about jibe and gibe? The distinction actually isn't as clear-cut as some commentators would like it to be. Jibe is used both for the verb meaning "to be in accord, agree" ("jibe with") and for the nautical verb and its related noun ("jibe the mainsail," "a risky jibe in heavy seas"). Gibe is used for the verb meaning "to deride or tease" and for the related noun meaning "a taunting remark." But jibe is a recognized variant of gibe, so it also has "taunting" or "teasing" uses. Gibe has been used occasionally as a variant of jibe, but this use is very rare, and many people consider it to be an error.

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Justice delayed is justice denied.

Meaning: 

If the law is applied too late, there is no justice.

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A young idler, an old beggar.

Meaning: 

If you don't work, you won't have any money when you're old.

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nonage

March 13, 2015

noun

\NAH-nij\

Definition

1

: minority

2

a : a period of youthb : lack of maturity

Examples

"Enlightenment is man's emergence from his self-imposed nonage. … This nonage is self-imposed if its cause lies not in lack of understanding but in indecision and lack of courage to use one's own mind without another's guidance." — Immanuel Kant, "What is Enlightenment?" (1784), translated by Mary C. Smith

"[Adolf] Berle was an amazing person. He entered Harvard College in hisnonage, being only fourteen years old." — Keith Paul Bishop, National Law Review, October 9, 2014

Did You Know?

Minority, majority; infancy, adulthood; nonage, full age—here you have the three contrasting pairs that constitute the vocabulary of legal age.Minority, infancy, and nonage are synonyms that mean "the state or time of being under legal age." Majority, adulthood, and full age mean "the state or time of being of legal age." (All these words, particularly infancyand adulthood, have other meanings as well, of course.) Nonage came to us by way of Middle English from an Anglo-French union of non- and age, which combine to mean "not of age."

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mythomania

March 12, 2015

noun

\mith-uh-MAY-nee-uh\

Definition

: an excessive or abnormal propensity for lying and exaggerating

Examples

The idea of trust is an important theme in the book; the reader is never sure of the extent of the protagonist's mythomania.

"The pathological liar … cannot help lying, even when the lie causes harm. It is this aspect of mythomania that distinguishes it as an illness rather than a habit." — Gloria Wall, Journal Review (Crawfordsville, Indiana), April 27, 2012

Did You Know?

We wouldn't lie to you about the history of mythomania. It comes from two ancient roots, the Greek mythos (meaning "myth") and the Late Latinmania (meaning "insanity marked by uncontrolled emotion or excitement"). One myth about mythomania is that it's a very old word; actually, the earliest known uses of the term date only from the beginning of the 20th century. It was predated by a related word, mythomaniac, which appeared around the middle of the 19th century. Mythomaniacinitially referred to someone who was obsessed with or passionate about myths, but it was eventually used for individuals affected with or exhibiting mythomania. 

Source: Merriam Webster Dictionary

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A dry March, a wet April and a cool May 

may fill barn and cellar and bring much hay.

Meaning:

Harvest predictions according to the weather.

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lucrative

March 12, 2015

adjective

\LOO-kruh-tiv\

Definition

: producing wealth : profitable

Examples

The company announced plans to expand its manufacturing operations soon after it won a lucrative contract with the government.

"Many mistakenly believe they need to spend years in school … before they can start earning a decent salary; this is simply a misconception. In fact, there are a number of lucrative jobs out there that don't require a college degree." — Laura Woods, Dallas Morning News, January 23, 2015

Did You Know?

Paying, gainful, remunerative, and lucrative share the meaning of bringing in a return of money, but each term casts a different light on how much green you take in. Paying is the word for jobs that yield the smallest potatoes—your first paying job probably provided satisfactory compensation, but you weren't going to get rich by it. Gainful employment might offer a bit more cash, and gainful certainly suggests that an individual is motivated by a desire for gain. Remunerative implies that a job provides more than the usual rewards, but a lucrative position is the one you want—those are the kind that go well beyond your initial hopes or expectations.

Source: Merriam-Webster

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You are never too old to learn.

Meaning:

You can always learn something new, no matter how old you are.

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March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.

Meaning:

If you think about the weather in March, the expression above makes sense

The weather at the beginning of March is stormy 
and at the end is mild.

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panjandrum

March 10, 2015

noun

\pan-JAN-drum\

Definition

: a powerful personage or pretentious official

Examples

Little gets done in this town without the approval of the local panjandrumson the board of selectmen.

"Unexpectedly, this private sector panjandrum launched into a paean of praise for the public service ethos." — David Walker, The Guardian, January 30, 2015

Did You Know?

Panjandrum looks like it might be a combination of Latin and Greek roots, but in fact it is a nonsense word coined by British actor and playwright Samuel Foote around 1755. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, Foote made up a line of gibberish to "test the memory of his fellow actor Charles Macklin, who had asserted that he could repeat anything after hearing it once." Foote's made-up line was, "And there were present the Picninnies, and the Joblillies, and the Garyulies and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at the top." Some 75 years after this, Foote's passage appeared in a book of stories for children by the Anglo-Irish writer Maria Edgeworth. It took another quarter century before English speakers actually incorporated panjandrum into their general vocabulary.

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A guilty conscience needs no accuser.

Meaning: 

If you know that you have done something wrong, you don't need anyone to tell you that you're guilty.

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apple-polish

March 10, 2015

verb

\AP-ul-pah-lish\

Definition

1

: to attempt to ingratiate oneself : toady

2

: to curry favor with (as by flattery)

Examples

"There still might be time to apple-polish the boss." — Garry Smits, Florida Times-Union, October 30, 2008

"One of the reasons unions (and step increases) exist is to eliminate cronyism or favoritism. No teacher has to apple-polish the principal to get a raise." — John Jones, Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch, June 11, 2011

Did You Know?

It began innocently enough: a shiny apple for the teacher, a young student's gift (OK, bribe) given in the hope that classroom high jinks would be forgotten or forgiven. The college students of the 1920s tried a more sophisticated version of the trick, polishing professorial egos with compliments in the hopes of getting a better grade. Because of its similarity to the "apple for the teacher" practice, college students dubbed that grade-enhancement strategy apple-polishing. But the idea quickly lost its luster and by 1935 the verb apple-polish had picked up negative connotations. Nowadays, the apple-polisher (academic or otherwise) is viewed in the same much-maligned class as the toady, sycophant, and bootlicker

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False friends are worse than open enemies.

Meaning:                 

           

      It's better to know who your real enemies are rather than trust someone who pretends to be a friend but is capable of stabbing you in the back.

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ilk

March 06, 2015

noun

\ILK\

Definition

sort, kind

Examples

The hole beneath the stairs of the cabin's porch allows in squirrels, woodchucks, and other creatures of that ilk.

"In many parts of the world, anyone who will ever buy a smartphone probably has done so, and now we're on to the steady business of buying a new one only when we break, lose, or need to replace our old phones. When analysts discuss growth predictions for cell phones and their ilk, they signal nothing but caution." — Lindsey Turrentine, CNET, February 6, 2015

Did You Know?

The Old English pronoun ilca is the predecessor of the modern noun ilk, but by way of a pronoun ilk that does not exist in most dialects of modern English. That ilk is synonymous with same, and persists in Scots where it's used in the phrase "of that ilk," meaning "of the same place, territorial designation, or name." It is used chiefly in reference to the names of land-owning families and their eponymous estates, as in "the Guthries of that ilk," which means "the Guthries of Guthrie." Centuries ago a misunderstanding arose concerning the Scots phrase: it was interpreted as meaning "of that kind or sort," a usage that found its way into modern English. Ilk has been established in English with its current meaning and part of speech since the late 18th century.

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sprightly

March 05, 2015

adjective

\SPRYTE-lee\     

Definition

1

: marked by a cheerful lightness and vivacity (as of movement or manner) : spirited

2

: having a distinctively piquant taste

Examples

Uncle Jack, a sprightly man nearing 90, was an avid storyteller, and we all listened with rapt attention as he regaled us with his newest tale.

"The somber, pensive orchestral prelude to Act III was magnificent…. And Mr. Levine actually seemed to gain energy during the long final scene in the meadow, with the sprightly country dances and celebratory marches." — Anthony Tommasini, New York Times, December 3, 2014

Did You Know?

Sprightly comes from spright, an archaic version of the word we now use for an elf or fairy: sprite. Ariel from Shakespeare's The Tempest and the leprechaun of Irish mythology are often referred to as sprites, and it's no coincidence that both are characterized by their light, flitting movements and mannerisms. Sprite derives via Middle English and Old French from the Latin spiritus, which of course gives us spirit as well. A similar-looking adjective that can describe someone who is nimble and energetic is spry, but that word is believed to be of Scandinavian origin.

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      Opportunity seldom knocks twice.

Meaning:

     

 Don't miss opportunities that come along.

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thanatology

March 04, 2015

noun

\than-uh-TAH-luh-jee\

Definition:

 the description or study of the phenomena of death and of psychological mechanisms for coping with them

Examples

One of the seminal texts on thanatology is Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's On Death and Dying, which outlines the five stages of grief.

"In her eight-week yoga for grief course, Stang … uses her background inthanatology—the scientific study of death, dying and bereavement—to educate participants about death and normalize their experiences." — Anna Medaris Miller, U.S. News & World Report, January 7, 2015

Did You Know?

In Greek mythology, Thanatos was the personification of death and the twin brother of Hypnos (Sleep). The ancient Greeks eventually came to use thanatos as a generic word for "death." Thanatology is a direct linguistic heir of the Greek term and was first documented in English in the mid-1800s. As a science, thanatology examines attitudes toward death, the meaning and behaviors of bereavement and grief, and other matters. In 1935, the word thanatos itself made its debut in English, ushered in with psychoanalytic theory to describe an unconscious tendency toward self-destruction.

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